Friday, January 20, 2006

Oh hell.

You can all just go "thank" MISS CORI for today's post. :)

Mango, Norman, stop right there. I know how much you hate memes.


1. Hum a jingle to which you know all the words.

Why do I have to hum it if I know all the words?
I'll sing it.

HOT DOGS! ARMOUR HOT DOGS! What kind of kids eat Armour Hot Dogs?
Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks!
Tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox
love HOT DOGS! ARMOUR HOT DOGS!
The DOGS! KIDS! LOVE! TO! BIIIIIITE!


2. As a kid, you played a board game over and over. And you cheated you little bastard. What was the game?

Me, cheat? Are you kidding?
Oh, okay. Any game I played with my brother, I cheated.
EVERY game.
And I always pushed to play Monopoly, because he was 5 years younger than me and didn't understand the concept of money. I ended up owning everything. And then some.

3. What is the name of the song that you have been singing the incorrect words all these years? What were you singing? What should you have been singing?

Growing up there were two songs in particular that I sang the wrong lyrics to, and they still play that way in my head.

Margaritaville by Jimmy Buffet, my way:

"Wastin' away again in my Gareetaville...searchin' for my lost jigger saw..."

The correct lyrics:
"Wastin' away again in Margaritaville, searchin' for my lost shaker of salt..."

Don't ask me what I thought a Gareetaville was. I have no idea. I thought it was just one of those grown-up things I didn't understand.

Jet Airliner by Steve Miller, my way:

"Ohohoh big old Chad and Lionel, don't carry me too far away..."

This was always accompanied by the mental picture of two big bruiser types dragging some suit-clad guy away by the arms, ostensibly to beat his ass.

The correct lyrics:

"Ohohoh big ol' jet airliner, don't carry me too far away..."

My way is more fun.

4. What is the most embarrassing childhood story that your parents drag out just to fuck with you for their own private amusement?

Oh, there are so many...

I guess one of the most embarrassing is the story of Monty's First Auto Accident.
I grew up out in the country, with lots of acreage and dirt & gravel roads.
One day I was out "practicing" my driving in my mom's (vomit green VALIANT *shudder*) car and a jackrabbit hopped across the road in front of me. I was on loose gravel. I was startled, tromped the brakes, yanked the wheel...


....and slid sideways into a ditch, crushing in the side of my mom's (vomit green VALIANT *shudder*) car.

My punishment was having to drive my mom's (vomit green VALIANT *shudder*) car to SCHOOL for a whole year. Squealing brakes and all. It looked sort of like this, only vomit green.
To a 15/16 year old girl, you can imagine what that did for my social life.
Luckily, I was cute.

I am so cool, you're lucky to know me.


That is all.
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