Saturday, September 10, 2005

Unaddressed Issues.

Many of those who know me know that I am a voracious reader. Ever since I first learned to read, I have read whatever I can get my hands on~ from JA Jance to JK Rowling, from King & Koontz to Kellerman & Kafka, from Ann Rule to Anne Rice, from Shakespeare to Sheldon and everything in between. Mostly, though, I stick to fiction, as I get enough reality every day of my life.

**Side note: I have recently added to my Amazon Wishlist some books from our very own well-known and well-loved Thumper, which I am hoping someone will give me for any upcoming holiday, such as a Thursday or Tuesday or Arbor Day. Then I will send the books to the lovely & talented Thumper in hopes that she will autograph the book for me, and then I will rest them in a place of honor atop one of my (many) bookshelves.

Anyway anyway anyway. I went through a brief period in Hormonal Jr. High School where I read nothing but romance novels~I couldn't get enough Harlequin, Sillhouette, and historical romances.

O! The things we thought those books taught us as young girls~how it was supposed to feel when we were truly in love, and how we would suffer at least one big misunderstanding that would tear us apart from our loved one, but True Love would always triumph in the end.

Then I got married. And divorced. And then I lived with a man. And we had children. And then split up.
And I learned that those books left out a significant number of details that we really should know and learn how to deal with.

Thus I present to you a short list of
10 Things The Romance Books Don't Tell You How To Handle

1. Skidmarks
2. Morning breath
3. The first time you fart during sex
4. Smelly feet
5. What happens when you fix beans & cornbread for dinner, and then sleep over
6. The first time you have to poo when he/she is at your house.
7. All sorts of body odors in all sorts of places
8. A little something hanging from your nose (or his) when you're on a date.
9. Hairy backs on otherwise perfect-for-you men
10. First Date Food In Your Teeth

Just the tip of the iceburg, folks. And don't act like you've never felt the anxiety from at least one or two of the things on that list. :)
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