Friday, July 15, 2005

Lookie what I got!

Now, show me some linkie love.
Yeah, I'm talkin' to you.

Norman, this is just for you:

Did I promise no more memes for 6 months?
Guess what? I lied.
Now, when you take something from someone else's blog, it is appropriate to give proper credit. To that end, I stole the following from True Jersey Girl, who got it from Bitchalicious.

I shall call it Application To Become a Loony Nutcase Scientologist.
(according to TJG, these are real questions from the Church of Scientology's "SEC WHOLE TRACK" questionnaire)

What I'd like to know is...will my answers keep me out or will they be killing the fatted calf for me?
And seriously, if you were a really bad alien person, would you answer these questions truthfully? Or does the questionnaire-giver use a jedi mind trick to make you tell the truth?

1. Have you ever driven anyone insane?
Only my parents, so far. But I'm working on the kids.

2. Have you ever killed the wrong person?
If by "wrong" you mean was I trying to kill someone else instead, then the answer is resoundingly 'NO'.

3. Is anybody looking for you?
Well, I HOPE that Mr. Right is out there looking for me. But since I'm not missing, again I have to answer 'NO'.

4. Have you ever set a poor example?
Yes, every day I set an example on how to be poor.

5. Did you come to earth for evil purposes?
Sorry, that information is on a need to know basis. And "evil" is such a subjective term anyway...

6. Are you in hiding?
Yes, from Tom Cruise. My couch is in bad enough shape as it is.

7. Do you systematically set up mysteries?
Only when I want to appear mysterious. Or when my daughter wants to play Scavenger Hunt.

8. Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
Hey, I'm so good at it I don't have to practice.

9. Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
Acted like what? Oh, THAT explains Ashton Kutcher's career.

10. Have you ever gone crazy?
No, but one of the voices in my head did. But just that one time. At band camp.

11. Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?
I'm trying to persuade 'them' that I'm NOT insane. I want my freakin' weekend pass.

12. Have you ever deserted or betrayed a great leader?
Gah, you break up with ONE measly king of one tiny country, and no one ever lets you forget it! You'd be better off asking how many great leaders have deserted or betrayed ME!

13. Have you ever smothered a baby?
Oh, now that's just sick.

14. Do you deserve to have any friends?
You should probably be asking my friends that question.

15. Have you ever castrated anyone?
Mentally? I'm sure there are a few guys out there whom I've emasculated. I've got no regrets.

16. Do you deserve to be enslaved?
I sort of want to try out the love-slave thing. Although it would depend on who was doing the enslaving.

17. Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?
Doesn't really matter~I doubt you'd get the same answer twice. Is there any answer on this list I had better not give you again? 'Cause I haven't used "Fuck Off" yet.

18. Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?
Only in my mind.

19. Have you ever zapped anyone?
Only now and again, when I've got a bad case of PMS. But I (almost) always apologize for it later.

20. Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?
Well, the bodies do tend to pile up sometimes...but I'm pretty sure none of them had VD. And I can't tell you where I spread the bodies...then I'll have to go into Witness Protection. AGAIN.

*crosses fingers* Gee, I hope they let me in...

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