Sunday, June 19, 2005

What part of "NO!" don't you understand??!??

Please excuse Epstein Monty for being absent lately. She got attacked suddenly by a nasty case of the "busys". Signed, My Mother


but first...

The Top Five Reasons why I will not be receiving the "Mother Of The Year" award...

5. My daughter's favorite CD is David Cassidy & The Partridge Family.
Shut up, it was a gift. Yeah. Yeah, a gift. I didn't buy it...mmm mmm, no sirree Bob.

4. I have taught my daughter the words to the song "Leprosy". You know, the one sung to the tune of "Yesterday".

3. I have also recently been teaching my daughter to play Texas Hold 'Em and Blackjack. I feel these are basic, useful skills that every 10 year old needs.

2. I allow her to play Hoyle Casino which is installed on my computer, even tho' she persists in calling it "Holy Casino". Hey, she made more than 3K yesterday playin' the ponies.

1. Last weekend I tried to coerce my daughter into tasting a dog treat.

She fooled me.

She took a bite.

Man, I love that kid. :)


our featured story...
Do you think friendship can be carried a bit too far?

Okay, so I was supposed to have dinner with friends on Saturday night. Unfortunately, on Friday night I twisted my back pretty badly whilst picking my son up off the floor. **note to self: lift with the legs, not the back**
So I called my friends on Saturday morning to do the whole rain-check thingy.
Apologize, explain, yada yada yada.

Four hours later, the phone rings.
I got tag-teamed by friend and friend's hubby.

HE: Have you seen the movie "Hitch"? We rented it, thought you might like it...thought we'd come on over to see how you were doing & watch the movie.

ME: Ummm...my back still really hurts, but thanks anyway! That's sweet of you. Plus you just want to show off your new car. (The last part was half jokingly)

HE: *laugh* No, no, we just thought we'd keep you company. Here, hold on.

ME: MMmmkay.

SHE: HEY! We decided that we'd come on out to see you, keep you company. Order us some pizza.

ME: Oh, how nice of you to think of me! But seriously, my house is such a mess (which it was) 'cause I couldn't get around to clean it...it's really awful.

SHE: Oh, you know we don't mind. It's no problem.

ME: Oh...but it's really bad. Plus my back is hurting something awful. I just want to lay in bed on the heating pad. Plus we just ate pizza an hour ago.

SHE: You know you don't have to entertain us! And we'll just feed ourselves then before we come over. We'll just hook your heating pad up in the living room. Got any IcyHot we can rub on your back? Do we need to stop and get you some?

ME: No...no, I've got some stuff. But I just took a Flexaril, and those make me really sleepy and a little loopy. I don't think I'd be good company.

SHE: You don't have to entertain us at all! Just prop your feet up, relax, watch a movie. Really, it's no problem.

no problem for whom? Steam is beginning to pour forth from my ears at this time. My only excuse for allowing myself to be steamrolled completely is that I was in a seriously weakened condition.

So naturally, they win.
Naturally, I get up to do the 20 Minute Fluff and Stuff cleaning technique....only it took me about 45 minutes because I had to hobble.

They get here, we visit...she goes over to my mom's to show THEM the new car...we've been friends long enough to be part of each other's families...then mom & dad send over food~dad decided to cook out.
Bear in mind that THEY have just eaten before they got here.

SHE: Is this a pork chop?
ME: No, I think it's a T-Bone.

SHE: Oh. I just asked because it's dry.

**which it was, to be fair...my dad always overcooks steak on the grill. I like mine medium and a bit bloody...I prefer my brother (aka The GrillMeister) to cook the steaks. He gets mine just right.
But hey, beggars can't be choosers.
Am I right, or am I right?

I thought it was a bit nervy of her to say so.
Although I could just be out of sorts because of the pain.

And when the kids went outside to play, her big baby son got scratched on the back when one of my dogs jumped on him.
This made her a teensy bit pissy.
Okay, I can understand that...
...but she seems to forget that last time we were at her house and her dog kept pouncing on my daughter because my daughter had the misfortune to be sitting in the glider (outside) that the dog had apparently claimed as her own spot...
Friend said "Well, as long as she keeps sitting in Breeze's spot, the dog will keep jumping on her..."

I'm still very bent out of shape about the whole thing.

Perhaps I'm an ungrateful wretch.
But I don't think so.


Thought Of The Day...
You ever notice that when people on TV or a movie have sex, the women still manage to look perfectly groomed when they're done?
I want more realism. I want to see what I see in the mirror (if memory serves) after I've just had sex...
Tangled, sweaty hair and smeary makeup.
Not pretty.
But satisfied.
Post a Comment