Monday, April 04, 2005

Oh goody, I can die happy...

...because now I've seen everything.
For crap's sake.

But first...
Have you made it over to ADAGIO Tea yet? Don't you like Free tea?
They've got a lovely variety of ACCESSORIES, as well as Flavored Teas, Green Teas, Herbal Teas, Rooibos Teas, along with black teas, white teas, and decafs.
So go today...I really want to get some free tea. Help a girl out.

Our Top Story...
What would you get if "Texas Justice" collided with "Fear Factor"?

Well, I'll just tell you.
A show called "Eye for an Eye".
Last night my family and I were up at our (former) restaurant, just a-scrubbin' away until midnight or so.
Then I get home and try to wind down a little bit by watching the tube. Big surprise...Monday mornings at 1:00am there's really nothing on but infomercials and church.
Except for "Eye for an Eye".

Here's the lowdown...
The "judge" (if you were sitting by me you'd note the liberal use of finger quotes as well) is named Extreme Akim, complete with nameplate on the bench.
The viewing gallery could possibly also be known as The Dog Pound, including woofing and Jerry Springer-like chanting of "EXTREME AKIM! EXTREME AKIM!".
The "bailiff" was named Big Sugar Ray.

Wait, it gets better.

So this couple, who are in the midst of a divorce, decide to go to "Extreme Akim's" courtroom to have a dispute settled...over a parrot.
They are both evidently overflowing with love for this 'child' of their (now defunct) marriage.
He's got it...she wants it.
She's a stripper...he's a DJ at the same club.
He's a cheater/liar...she's a whore.
*note: this are not this author's opinions...just what they said on the show

With much laughter, eye rolling, posing, and otherwise annoying antics, the "judge" says that his decision is as follows:

As they both love this parrot so much, they must prove how much by eating...worms.
Yes, whoever can eat the most worms (live worms) will have proven their everlasting parrot-love and will win both the bird and the "bat of justice".

These two losers weirdos people are actually taken to a Thai restaurant (is that significant?) and served up a plate of 15 worms.
They both really must love the bird, because they both manage to down 'em right quick.
And are served up a plate of another 15 worms.

To make a long story even longer...
The stripper whore lady screwed up...she took a drink of her wine to wash down worm #26...and was subsequently disqualified.

More bickering and some worm-throwing ensues.

But just to salvage the happy ending...
Bald perverted creepy guy gives her the bird...and the parrot.

I am multi-faceted...

Thanks EVERYONE who played my little game!
(and especially the following people who actually put me on their lists)
MommaK for savvy:

Hey, my rack actually looks like hers. ;) Now if only my face did...

and to Elle for hilarious:

and to J&Js Mom for hysterical:

(and of course Brandie, who's pic of me I posted yestidday~~and who called me idiosyncratic I LOVE that.)

More coming next week...who will be taking the spotlight at the Daily Bitch?
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