Thursday, March 03, 2005

Moronathon

Our topic today, class, is one of aka_monty's pet subjects. There are few things in this world that get me completely bent out of shape in a second or less...this is one of 'em.

So...

Dear Fellow Motorists,

I would like to thank you all today, for your fine attention to your driving. Especially those 10 or so of you who blew right by the school bus parked in front of my driveway this morning, as we were loading my son on.
If my daughter had been crossing the street in front of the bus (as she often does) to make her way to school, why, one of you might have hit her! Talk about starting your day off right!
And to the lady who nearly hit me as she attempted to drive past the bus when I walked into the middle of the road...you're lucky I didn't drag your ass right out of the car.
I'm very glad that you heard me shout at you, and stopped...and rolled down your window to say, "Sorry, I didn't see."
I ever-so-graciously accepted your apology with a jaunty, "How stupid are you?" before I walked back to the driveway.
I do realize that, much like an elephant in your living room, it may be difficult for you to see the big yellow bus with the red flashing lights and the S-T-O-P sign protruding from the side. How hard it must have been for you! I was unaware that your vision was so impaired...perhaps you should get a sticker so that you can park in the handicapped spots. With such poor eyesight, I'm sure you qualify.

Here's my advice: pull your cellphone off your ear and pull your head out of your ass. It should be warm by now.

I love the fine weather we're having now, so that you have your car windows down. That way, when I shout, "MORON!" at you, you can hear me clearly with no interference from the rolled-up window. Aaaaah. Springtime.

So be warned, Fellow Motorists...one morning I will catch you unawares, as I go out with my video camera on...and get your plate number. You do know that our Men In Blue will send you a little nasty-gram, to the tune of $150?

Did you further know that last year, in a 3-week period, no less than SIX children were hit, and three of them died?

Be vigilant, be observant. When you see a school bus with the STOP SIGN out...then use whatever little bit of gray matter you've got left and STOP. Or did you think that just meant everybody but you?

Now I must close, as I'm off to the police station to see if they will lend me some of that road carpet stuff with the nails in it.
See you tomorrow morning.
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