Thursday, June 19, 2008

Family Ties

ME: "I think she's trying to hook up with as many people as possible."
MOM: "Hook up, like in the biblical sense?"


**This portion of the post has been redacted on account of my sister throwing a fit about it. So I'll correct any misapprehension:
My sister is the most beautiful person ever. She is generous and loving and always cares about everyone else first. She is so kind that she would never even swat a fly or squash an ant.
Except for the little comment tantrum.

There. Although she did call me a big fat liar, so...


When a family member misprounounces a word, do you make fun of them so much about it that the mispronunciation becomes the WAY YOU SAY the word?

Like in my family, we say "kraut'ns" instead of "croutons". And "fatty-guys" for "fatigues". And "Cowsy-wowsy" for "Quasimodo" (yeah, thank my brother for that one).
TELL ME YOURS. Or are we the only stupid family?


My dad likes to make shit up. I mean, like this totally bogus BS and of course then we all make fun of him behind his back.
I'm pretty sure he knows.

It probably isn't as funny to anyone else, but we still laugh ourselves breathless over it.

Like one summer my dad was using muffin tins to make ice cubes...and he kept breaking glasses.
He said the glass was weak because they were old and had been washed in hot water so many times.... he didn't seem to think that trying to stuff muffin-sized ice cubes into the glass had ANYTHING to do with it.
So now whenever someone breaks a glass, we say that it must have been washed in hot water too many times.

And the time he was outside using the water hose to spray down the brick on the corner of their house (the corner which was my sister's bedroom at the time).
He said that wetting the brick would help keep my sister's room cooler.

The rest of us decided that perhaps she (sister) should run and turn off the ceiling fan in her room before icicles started forming on the ceiling.

Now, whenever we walk into a cool room in the summer, someone always says that Dad must've been outside watering the brick.

Oh, there is so much, much more.


Shit, I just realized that my family is totally insane.


I have PMS.


Do you think I can manage to lose 25lbs before BlogHer, short of liposuction?


So. How's your week been so far?
Entertain me. PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, ENTERTAIN ME.


That is all.
Have a day.
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