...today, however, I'm willing to make an exception.
There will be angst, whining, and self-pity in overabundance.
In fact, probably you should just stop reading and go listen to this instead. It's way better.
So I've spent the weekend being angry and upset about things which are totally out of my control. Yes, I know it's stupid to worry about things like that. Got it, thanks Mom.
My car died a little over a week ago.
For those of you who may not know, I'm poor (monetarily, that is, but rich in friendships). However, as much as I'd like it to be so, friendship doesn't pay for new wheels. :) I don't have savings, I don't have...well, much of anything beyond the basic necessities of life, but I'm not complaining about that at all. I'm luckier than so many other people to have what I do have. It's all good.
But then the car died.
I don't have a way to get to work. Last week I rode with my sister, because on alternate weeks my mom babysits my niece and my sister was here anyway. This week? I'm fucked.
My uncle's minivan was on loan to my mom for a bit, whilst mom was taking care of grandma after grandma's recent stroke.
So I sucked it up (I really REALLY hate asking anyone for favors. HATE. LOATHE. DO NOT LIKE AT ALL. Inherent fear of rejection) and called my uncle to ask if I could borrow the van this week (as he has another car that he uses - one person, two vehicles, okay) just to get back & forth to work.
He said, "No. *pause* Sorry."
Yeah, that's it. After a few awkward moments (in which I could tell he was scrambling for an excuse), he came up with "in fact, I was just getting ready to call your mom & tell her I needed the van back because I need to get it into the shop for a little work."
Me? "Oh, okay, thanks anyway, bye."
Then I cried like a little girl for awhile. And called him some names.
But I can't really be angry, it's not like he owes me a favor or anything, it's his van and he's got no obligation to loan it out. But MAN.
I shouldn't be surprised, really; this is the guy who bought lavish, expensive gifts for his best friends AND THEIR CHILDREN... but didn't buy either of his sisters a SINGLE THING for Christmas. Or his sisters' kids, for that matter, but I don't care anything about that. I was TOTALLY pissed that he didn't get my mom anything, especially when she quit her job & turned things upside down because SHE was the one elected to take care of grandma. When my uncle has, in fact, LIVED with my grandma since he's been going through his divorce.
But whatever. That's just my meanness talking, because my feelings are hurt since he turned down my request.
I know, I KNOW I'm being a big baby about it. I get that. Dealing with it.
And then there's the Sperm Donor.
There's a need for a good headstabbing if ever there was one.
The original plan was to either meet halfway between our houses (he's about 3 1/2 hours away) so he could take the kids overnight this weekend...or for me to take them all the way to Texas (which would've been okay, because I could've spent some awesome time with Nicole).
Well, obviously, with no car that wasn't going to happen.
So I'm chatting on the phone with Sperm Donor & tell him that we'll have to figure out some other way.
Then he does the thing that he ALWAYS DOES, which makes me so angry...goes into a litany of woes and money issues and whatthefuckever.
Starting, as always, with a dog.
See, he recently spent thousands of dollars in leukemia treatments for his dog. Sadly, after a brief remission, the dog died. :( I AM sorry about that.
Okay fine, whatever. Why he finds it necessary to tell me this stuff, I'll never ever know. I never said anything though.
THIS TIME it was, "Yeah, I caved, Shirley (wife) and Trevor (her son) decided we needed another dog. So we rescued one from the "kill shelter", and I just spent ANOTHER $150 on *blah blah blah blah*."
I blew up. "You can spend thousands on your pets, and meanwhile, your kids can't go to the doctor because we have no insurance. FUCKING NICE. Here, talk to your daughter, I can't deal with you right now."
You'd think he'd get a clue.
Next time I talk to him? "Okay, I guess I'll just come up there & stay in a hotel & spend the night & take the kids. It'll max out my credit cards, because I'll be staying at the Residence Inn and the pet deposit is nonrefundable. But it's cheaper to bring the dog than board him in a kennel. And I'm in the truck, so it'll probably take at least 3 tanks of gas to get there and back, that thing is a monster gas hog, and *blah blah blah blah blah*"
I mean really, what am I supposed to say to all that? And why does he stay at the MOST EXPENSIVE hotel in town? And it's 30 minutes away from here? There are nice, fairly new hotels five minutes away (I should know, I used to manage a couple of them), and they take pets.
And guess where his wife was this weekend? Vegas, with her sister.
Six months ago I had to hear all about how the truck he had was almost paid off, he was so happy about that, that was one less monthly payment.
Once it was done, he immediately traded it in and bought something new. And they'd just bought Shirley a new car six months before THAT, after they bought their new house.
I DON'T GET IT.
I just do not get it.
I'm so angry.
I don't know what to do.
I KNOW. Pathetic and pitiful, innit? I TRIED TO TELL YOU. Blah.
I feel like such a GIANT ASS when I complain.
Go away. You don't want to be here right now.
Oh yeah, Happy St. Patrick's day.
May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.