Saturday, April 14, 2007

I can't feel my fingers. Or toes.

Dear Mother Nature,

Yo' girl, whassup? I'd like to point out that this is the second time I've had to contact you in order to set some things straight.
Now, I'd like to know...have you gone off your meds again? Is it global warming? Is Al Gore putting too much pressure on you?

Because you do realize, I'm sure, that it's April. Mid-April, even. We're all prepared here for severe thunderstorms, a little hail, some straight line winds, and plenty of tornadic activity.

It snowed at my house a few days ago.
Snow.
In mid-April.

What the hell? It's been rainy (which is nice, and not unexpected), but we're not supposed to be getting snow and near freezing temperatures here in the middle of the country in April. I should have my windows thrown open to catch the breezes, smelling my lovely lilac bushes...but you know what? MY LILACS ARE NEARLY DEAD because of you. That blood sap is on your hands.
And my heater is on. It's frigging cold.

Please pull your head out of your ass and wipe the shit from your eyes & put things back to normal.
The basement is all prepared for a tornado. We're waiting.

Sincerely,
A concerned inhabitant of Planet Earth


Dear KFC drive-thru girl,

I don't think that you're actually supposed to have the microphone IN your mouth when working the drive-thru window.
Just a little FYI.

Sincerely,
The customer who couldn't understand a bloody word you said


Dear Freak Show,

*yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn*
You bore me. And I laugh when you keep making a giant ass out of yourself.
OH and PS, I'm not the only one laughing.

Sincerely,
Monty


4 out of 5 skanky hos surveyed agreed that people who live in glass whorehouses shouldn't throw stones.
Post a Comment