Friday, August 25, 2006

A dust-out.

People who speed through school zones when the lights are flashing should be strung up, tortured, scalped, and beaten. Then shot in the kneecaps.

People who run bus stops should ALSO be subject to the above, with the added bonus of Chinese water torture. And then shot in the elbows and kneecaps.

People who do run the red light in front of my house should get all of the above, plus get gut-shot and I believe there is also a special place in hell reserved for them.
Remember a couple years ago when my daughter came within inches of getting struck by a woman who had her head up her ass and her cellphone in her ear as she RAN THE FUCKING RED LIGHT?

Some old geezer nearly did it today.

I walked out in the road.
He screeched to a bone-jarring halt to avoid hitting me.
There was some shouting and finger pointing.
I hope he was wearing his 'Oops, I Crapped My Pants' undergarments, because Mama wasn't happy.

Do I feel bad about terrorizing an old guy?

HELLS NO.


I was at 7-11 getting gas and coffee (not necessarily in that order--hyuk hyuk) when in walked the most gorgeously stunning boy I have ever seen.
A perfect male specimen. Sexy. Hot. OH THAT SMILE.
(OH THAT ASS. I wept.)

My heart skipped two beats.
I lost my breath.
I think I squeaked a little when I gasped at the sight of him.
He was surrounded by a glowing aura.
Angels sang.

(okay, maybe I made that last part up. But had you seen him, you would understand that it's a perfectly reasonable statement)

There I stood, slack-jawed, big-eyed and drooling unattractively...

....in my tattiest skirt, holey tee-shirt, and grossest flip-flops without a single speck of makeup and my hair in a messy ponytail.

Any gasps from anyone upon seeing me would have been purely from horror, I assure you.

So he paid for his cigarettes (okay he's not QUITE perfect but my smoky-treat craving intensified one hundredfold when I saw those lean brown fingers and nice clean fingernails and ropy-muscled arms start to peel the strip of cellophane off the top of the box and it was even the right brand of smokes - Marlboro Lights 100s - and OH LORDY I WANT A CIGARETTE and I WANT IT TO BE LIT BY THE BEAUTIFUL BOY and then I want us to SMOKE AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER TOGETHER FOREVER AMEN)
and then he walked out of my life forever.

But I can breathe again, so that's the silver lining.
I guess.


People piss me off.
Especially those who spend a lot of time telling you how unselfish they are, and how they are always doing for others and not themselves...

...I'm here to tell you that's a crock of shit.

It's the ones who do without telling that are the unselfish ones.

Is all I'm saying.

Hey, I admit I'm selfish. I told Raehan the other day when she made her FINAL post that my very first thought was
"Whatever will I do without her???!!"

ME, ME, ME.

I've even given up doing nice things for people. Not that I did them that often anyway.
*grouchgrouchgrouch*


Have a day.
That is all.
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