Saturday, May 27, 2006

Trigger ain't just a horse

I never know what the trigger will be.
Sometimes it is the easy familiarity of a couple sitting comfortably in silence.
Sometimes it is a brief, absentminded kiss for no apparent reason except, perhaps, to feel grounded.
It can be the way he orders for her without asking.
It can be the way she casually brushes lint from the front of his shirt, and his smile of thanks.
It can be the glow in two pairs of eyes as they see each other.

I never know, therefore I cannot prepare for the onslaught.

Loneliness.
Sometimes~rarely, thankfully~it swamps me, overwhelms me, engulfs me...I am paralyzed, held captive in its debilitating embrace.

I yearn.
I want.
I cry.

I have done more than my fair share of whining lately; for that, I apologize. It isn't fun for any of us.

But when Loneliness comes to call, I find that I must indulge it so that its visit will be brief and...not too damaging.
Loneliness is not a neat or thoughtful houseguest.

Forgive me, I can't come out to play today.


That is all.
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