Only YOU can HELP ME!

STICKY POST /SCROLL DOWN FOR NEW STUFF/ STICKY POST /SCROLL DOWN FOR NEW STUFF/ STICKY POST
HELP ME STAY ON THE SHITTY BLOGS ISLAND!

TASK #1: YOU (that means YOU in particular) can help by clicking the BANNER and then LEAVING A COMMENT STATING WHY I SHOULD WIN.

Be as creative as you like. Bribery of the judges is strongly encouraged.
Give as many reasons WHY I SHOULD STAY ON THE ISLAND as you like.
THANKS FOR YOUR HELP!