Oh for crap's sake

"The world is my oyster...and I can't get the damned thing open."~~aka_monty

Let me get this out of the way first: HAPPY NEW YEAR, FELLOW BLOGGERS!

So another year begun. And a good piece of advice came to my eye today: Begin as you mean to go on. Nice sentiment=not always easy to follow.

ANYHOO.

I have resolved this year to NOT make any New Year's Resolutions. Instead, I have opted for New Year's Suggestions. Guidelines, if you will. Because lets face it kiddies: by the time you get that first taste of Spring Fever in March, those ol' resolutions will be in that tiny back closet of your mind, collecting cobwebs and covered in an inch or so of dust. They will be pre-empted by thoughts of the Easter Bunny, April showers and May flowers, and 4th of July fireworks.
And anyway, you know what they say about the power of suggestion.
So my New Year's Suggestions are as follows:

Cut back on the cancer sticks (yeah, because I'd only be kidding myself if I said "QUIT")
GET ON AFOREMENTIONED DIET. This could possibly take up the whole year, and then some.
Be more generous of heart and mind (this could be a problem for me, but I'm willin' to give it the ol' college try)
Stick to being a smartass (because it works pretty well for me. Well, mostly)
Offer forgiveness for past hurts (as many of these were most probably accidental, I'll try to let 'em go. Except for the really mean ones)

Maybe I'll think of some more once the hangover has run its course. Let us pray.

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It only took one glance in the mirror this morning to remind me why I am single. And it can be summed up in one word:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!
(and I finally had to cave on the pit-shaving; evidently the deodorant wasn't actually reaching the skin)
Okay, just kiddin'.

I really didn't shave at all.
*snortle*