Monday, January 17, 2005

Brain Soup for the Dysfunctional Soul

I think it could be a bestseller. Really.

"Some people think I'm nuts. I think they WAY underestimate my craziness. ~~aka_monty

AAAAH, here again we sit together, you and me. I've missed you this weekend. Three days without computer access is like a day and a half in hell. Sort of. At least what I imagine Hell could be like.

By the way, Steve, (she said sneeringly), the moniker Naturalblondesmartie is not an oxymoron. You're the only moron I see 'round heah...I can't help it God gave me beauty and brains.

So spake the clownfish: "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

The soup (brain variety) has been simmering on the back burner for a few days...let's have a bowl, 'kay?

My preCOcious girl:

When my daughter was around seven years old, she used to get up early in the morning and turn on PBS (public broadcasting channel) and watch Morning Business Report. Every morning during the week whilst getting ready for school. One day my mother asked her what she learned from watching that program, and my daughter said, "Oh, beef prices, wheat prices, y'know, morning business stuff. You wouldn't understand."

She's already learned the art of subtle snobbery. Wonder where she got that?

When she was about three years old, she still used a pacifier (hey, don't frown at me, the HOSPITAL ICU is the place where she got started on that, when she was under an oxygen hood & she couldn't eat)...ANYWAY, one day she'd set her 'binkie' down on the coffee table so she could have a bite of lunch, and evidently she'd set it in a puddle of...something. After her meal, she picked up the binkie, stuck it in her mouth & immediately pulled it out again. She looked at me, shook the binkie at me, and said, "What the hell is all over this?!"

*sigh*

That's when I figured out I'd better watch what I say.


Hey, d'you think I should be concerned that I have to use both hands to squeeze the clippers when I clip my toenails?


"You feel betrayed."
"Yes, well, that's one of the unfortunate side effects of betrayal."


That's a favorite line from a favorite 'guilty pleasure'...but more about that subject later.


Thought I'd share one of my favorite jokes...well, it was a favorite when I was but a youngster.

A little boy walks into a pet store, looks at the proprieter and says, "Mithter, can I hab some boidseed?"
The proprieter says to the boy, "Learn to say it right and come back again tomorrow."
The next day, the little boy is back and says, "Mithter, can I hab some boidseed?"
Once again the proprieter answers, "Learn to say it correctly and come back again tomorrow."
Sure enough the next day the little boy is back. He looks at the proprietor and says, "Mithter, do you wanna buy a dead boid?"

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!


One of life's greatest pleasures in wintertime: Flannel sheets and an electric blanket.


Honey Nut Cheerios ROCK!


AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...
...some shitty brain-soup poetry.
**Side effects may include headache, nausea, dyspepsia, polyps, facial tics, uncontrollable screaming, drowsiness, boredom, and in rare cases may cause Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Force of Nature

Growing into enormity
unmanageable
Rushing, roiling
like the blackest sea
Tsunami
wind driven
Bitter water
overflowing the vessel
churning, drowning
White water
spume and foam
restlessly flying
Beaten down
sinking
Into despair's depths.
Shall we drink?



You know, I don't talk much about my son...let's remedy that right quick. For those of you who don't know, my kids were born 3 and a half months early (sort of like that Motoki or whatever, who's mom has a blog that I used to read). My son suffered severe bleeding in his head because of it...did I mention that my kids weighed only about a pound each? Teeny tiny tots.
ANYHOO.
He's lucky to be alive, and he is severely disabled. But the good news is, he's the cutest, happiest, sweetest kid ever invented. I'll show you a picture of him at the end of the post. He's just a doll (I'm slipping into 'Mommy Blogdom' again...solly Cholly. I'll keep it brief).
I'm terribly grateful that he IS such a wonderful kid...otherwise I'm not sure I could cope with being a single mother. And my daughter is a GREAT help to me~~we call her "Little Mama". :D
My boy and I have a little ritual every morning...when I put him on the bus for school, I give him a kiss, tell him I love him, and then say, "Be good at school today! Don't start any trouble!"
Then he gives me The Look.
That child has a way of looking at you sideways, out of the corner of his eye...and you just KNOW that mischief is afoot. Then he'll give me the slyest grin you've ever seen...and giggles.
I'm pretty sure that kid has stuff going on in his brain that I'm glad I don't know about.

Aaaaah, here we go:




RIGHT THEN! I've got a few more things swirling around in the soup...but I will save those for another day.

And I have to say to one and all...I've MISSED you!
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