...ILLITERACY:
Found this in an IM archive...see, I normally stay invisible when I have my messenger on (except for NOW, with no computer, I almost wish to get some more random IMs! *sigh*), because of all the mullet-wearing psycho freaks out there who send IMs beginning with "Hay sexy thang, a/s/l?" or "U r cute got nemore pics?".
Boo.
N E WAY (yuk yuk), this is one of my all time favorites. In the course of a desultory chat, I asked the offender "So, what do you do for a living?" and this was the reply:
hope i dont scare u I am a male stir kinding a truck driver
What in the HELL?!
I actually had to have one of my male friends translate that for me.
POP QUIZ: D'you know what it means??
...PERSONAL ADS:
Having used the online personal ads myself (shut up, I'm not ashamed to admit it), I've discovered that people are SUCH liars. In my archives you'll find a whole rant about that...special emphasis on men lying about their height and women lying about their weight.
SO.
I've decided that if I should create a new personal ad, I'm going to be honest. I mean totally, completely, unequivocally honest. I wonder how many responses I'd get to this:
Divorced mother of 9 year old twins, exhausted from doing everything myself. Work full time at a thankless, unglamorous job. Don't care much for the public at this point in my life. Need a break, need some romance, need pampering. I'm a lousy housekeeper; I've usually got a sink full of dirty dishes, and I'm too lazy to care much.
Frequently moody and temperamental. Intolerant of ignorance and excuses. Pushy, bossy, and not willing to go out of my way to make any of you idiot men happy at this point in my life. Take me as I am, or go away. You can effing work on making ME happy.
If you're under 30, over 45, or married (this includes being SEPARATED), DON'T FUCKING BOTHER~~I will not respond to you. If you suffer from 'chronic lateness', I will not respond to you. Timeliness is next to Godliness.
If you're really ugly (like SCARY ugly), I probably won't respond to you then either unless you've got somethin' REALLY extra-special to say on your profile.
If you use any form of chatspeak, I will not respond. If you think 'cuddlen' is the correct way to spell CUDDLING, I will not respond. In fact, if you have more than 3 misspellings in your profile, I will not respond.
If your profile is dull, uninformative, or stupid, or makes any reference to SEX at all, I will not respond.
Have I just eliminated 98% of you? Ask me if I care. You stupid bastards are more trouble than you're worth anyway.
So...piss off.
I'll bet there's some sicko out there who'll STILL send a response.
...RELIGION:
Funny fact: Almost all my online friends (the ones I know in depth) from the UK and Canada are atheists...or at the very least agnostics.
NONE of my offline (ie 'real world') friends here in the US of A are atheists or agnostics.
That's sort of interesting to me. Either way is okay, it's just interesting.
So I have a few questions...
(now lookit, I'm not being snarky, I really want to know)
For the non-believers: if all life was created from a vat of primordial soup, how did EVERYTHING become so different? What I mean to say is how could a blade of grass or a grain of sand come from the same place as beings with thinking, reasoning brains? And functioning vocal cords? And everything that works the way it is supposed to, no matter what form of life we're talking about?
And for the evolutionaries...why aren't we evolving into something else, as humans, if we evolved from apes? I mean, why haven't some of us, perhaps being 'quick-evolutioners', started showing different features? And why aren't there thousands upon thousands of (tribes? families? pods? groups?) of apes out there who were late-bloomers and who now look like cro-magnon man? Is that where the Bigfoot rumors & sightings come into play?
And for the believers (of which I am one)...when were the dinosaurs? I admit, I have NOT done a lot of bible study, but I have questions. The dinosaurs. When were they? And as there is fossilized evidence of man-beings...where did they come in? Where were the caveman types in the Bible?
I'm just axin'.
...THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE:
I am eternally grateful that I didn't have to learn English as a second-language.
Why did someone use the same base word for two totally different things? Like "SANGUINE" as it relates to a personality trait and "SANGUINATION" as it relates to (ick) blood?
What's up with CONtent and conTENT?
What's the difference between "furthest" and "farthest"? And how do you measure that difference? ;)
What exactly does "pure-dee" mean? Like, "It was a pure-dee coincidence." HMMMM???
The "I"s have it~~I wonder why so many allegedly 'educated' people use the word "I" incorrectly? Is it because we've had it drilled into our heads from youngsterhood that we should say "I" instead of "me"? Hearing this on television really burns my ass, much like a flame about 3 feet high:
"We went to him and I's place..."
"Bob and I's date went well..."
"They shared he and I's dinner..."
What's even worse: when one half of the couple says it correctly, and the other half (sorry girls, it's usually the woman) corrects him. Incorrectly, as it were.
...CRAPEGORICAL MISCELLANY:
Guaranteed to offend someone or 'nother. Oh well.
I would like to invent a StairMaster that simulated walking down the stairs.
I wonder if anesthesiologists would mind being referred to as 'gas-passers'?
Self-importance is first cousin to paranoia.
Other people's words that I wish I'd've said first:
Punditry is nothing more than fatuous prigs reciting the same nonsense so many times that they come to believe it.
Some people see the donut, some see the hole.
No good deed goes unpunished.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
You can get straight A's and still flunk life.
And that concludes today's session of "AKA_MONTY ON..."
Thank you and goodnight.
6 comments:
First of all, michele sent me.
As to your questions on evolution...
"how did EVERYTHING become so different?"
Well, first of all you need to understand that the differences you speak of are mostly external, or, better put, anatomical in nature. The fact is we share most of the same DNA sequences with other animals.
But keep in mind that the Earth's environments are not static, but change over time. These changes drive the process of natural selection, which is a *very* slow process (unless you follow the beliefs of Lewis Thomas, who argued that evolution happens in large steps separated by time).
"What I mean to say is how could a blade of grass or a grain of sand come from the same place as beings with thinking, reasoning brains? And functioning vocal cords? And everything that works the way it is supposed to, no matter what form of life we're talking about?"
For the first part...well, why not? Everything is star stuff, you know; hydrogen and helium combined to make all the other elements. What is so special about thinking and reasoning that makes it hard to believe in a common ancestor? For the last part, everything works the way it is supposed to because those beings that do not have this trait die out.
"why aren't we evolving into something else, as humans, if we evolved from apes? "
Well, first of all, humans have been around for a very short period of time, geologically speaking. There may not have been enough time for the kind of change you are looking for. But I would also argue that we are evolving into something else. There has been a great amount of social evolution, starting with the creation of societies and the written/spoken word. If we were to see such changes in other social animals (ants, or bees, or dolphins) we would say that they have evolved. Since we are animals, the same criteria should apply to us.
"And why aren't there thousands upon thousands of (tribes? families? pods? groups?) of apes out there who were late-bloomers and who now look like cro-magnon man?"
I'm not an expert on anthropology, but I think there were some species of man between ape and cro-magnon. But, there's nothing inevitable about humans...apes could just as easily evolve into yet other creatures, should circumstances warrant. But again, evolution is a slow process, and you should not expect to see the kind of changes you describe within many, many human lifetimes.
"Is that where the Bigfoot rumors & sightings come into play?"
It would be logical to think that, but even the most famous movie of a Bigfoot has proven to be a hoax. Such rumours are not uncommon phenomena among humans, who historically have had tales of odd creatures passed on from generation to generation.
If you really want to get an answer to these kinds of questions, I recommend you read *The Blind Watchmaker* by Richard Dawkins. This is a fascinating book that is very readable by the general public. Dawkins has a new book out called *The Ancestors Tale*, which is a story of human evolution told backwards in time in the style of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales.
>>I'll bet there's some sicko out there who'll STILL send a response.
Sicko indeed! You know, being a lesbian doesn't carry the social stigma it once did :)
Hey hey...came here via Michele...
I was reading your "Personal Ads" entry and thought you might want to swing by my blog to read an entry called "Dates with Nuts". Enjoy. :)
Hey... Michele sent me ;) Excellent blogging! Why is it that the term "bitch" is supposedly negative? I wear that badge so very proudly!
OMG I almost peed my pants at the Personal Ad....
btw I am late for my Hello Michele Sent Me
but she did and I'm glad for it.
Hi, Michele sent me.
I can't answer for anesthesiologists, but my husband is a nurse anesthetist and he and his coworkers frequently refer to themselves as gas passers. (It's actually easier to say than "anesthetist.")
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