Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Rambling à la Monty

aka_monty does livejournal...in case you want a bit of background on me. Hey, it'll keep you off the streets for a couple hours.

Today I'm feeling a bit snarky.

Mmmm...snarky. Isn't that a lovely word? We don't use it nearly enough here in the ol' U.S. of A.

We're more likely to "open up a can o' whoopass" or tell you "how the cow ate the cabbage" here in OkieLand.

But as my heritage includes English, Irish, German (and a teeny bit of Italian thrown in just for spice)...I feel I'm entitled to be snarky upon occasion.

So there.

For those of you who are new here (as am I, to blogger.com, anyway), you may be interested to know about an experiment I'm anxious to try.

So maybe I'll tell you about it...tomorrow. Or the next day. When I feel like it.

Couple random thoughts...

As someone who has swum the murky waters of online dating for awhile now, I've discovered two unerring consistencies:
Men lie about their height.
Women lie about their weight.

Now I ask you, blogreader divine, what's the point here? If the two someones in question decide to meet...won't that put paid to any misrepresentation? And then you have one or more very disappointed someones...and no hope for the future. Because first of all you're a big fat liar, and second of all you're probably not exactly what the other was looking for anyway.

READING BETWEEN THE LINES: If a man is, in reality, under 6ft. tall...just deduct two inches from what he says his height is. For example, I myself am 5ft 6 inches tall...fairly average for a woman. And I'm nothing if not average. ANYWAY. A man contacted me, sounded nice, looked nice, and his profile showed his height at 5'7. A little on the short side of what I prefer...but what the hell (I thought at the time). I meet him...he's shorter than I am.

One of the gentlemen I'm CURRENTLY dating purports himself as 5'10...but we stand eye to eye. So he went a little beyond the normal 2 inch addition. *sigh*

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Did they think I wouldn't notice?

And the women...most often, if their profile says "average", you can bet they could stand to drop about 15lbs. And if they say they have "a few extra pounds"...WHOO BOY! There's a full-figured girl just a-waitin' in the wings.
Don't get me wrong...I am a full-figured woman. Curvaceous. Voluptuous, perhaps. I could stand to lose some weight. But I've got curves in all the right places. And no lack of available suitors.

**Note to self: JLo called, she wants her ass back.


Then again, that's something that's right up for everyone to see before they even contact me.
So I can feel good about that. I figure the really skinny girls are the only ones telling the truth.


And a message to all the rat-faced corporate drones at UPS:

YOU ARE DIRTY BASTARDS.

Thank you, and goodnight.
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