Saturday, March 04, 2006


I admit that was a dirty trick just to snag your attention, because I have nothing of import to say.

How do we know the sailors aren't really saying, "I eye, Captain!"??

My Shameful Confession
And it isn't even anything juicy~it's really just shameful.
I hesitate to admit it...but in the interest of self-honesty (which was the original purpose when I started journaling), I guess I'll lay it out and examine it.

As a rule, I try to follow the 10 commandments because as I've said before, they just make good sense. Don't cheat, don't lie, don't steal, don't kill, etc etc.

There is one that I break with amazing regularity.
Well, two. Because I've been known to lie.

"Of course that doesn't make your ass look too big!"

Okay, three. Because sometimes my parents really piss me off. Even at my age.

But the one I have the most trouble with is coveting. That is to say, according to one definition:
"This is greed and envy, focusing on what others have and what we don’t have"

The envy gets me every time.

I'm too embarrassed to admit how many times, as I surf through blogland, my mind begins a sentence with:
"Gee, it must be nice to...(go shopping twice a week)(not have to work)(spend a ton of money on clothes, or shoes, or skin/hair/makeup products)(speak casually of purchasing a new car every couple of years)(make a home cooked meal every night for your family)(be so perfect)(have such a perfect family)(have such a perfect freaking LIFE)(fill in the blank any way you choose, because I've thought it)."

Then, with the faint taste of ashes in my mouth, I am instantly ashamed of myself for such thoughts.

I've never been a complainer, really...I generally love my life pretty well and count my blessings on a regular basis.
I'm ever so grateful to know such wonderful people, even though I envy you.
I've got two wonderful children (against all odds), a (mostly) supportive family, a snug and cozy house, a car that, while it isn't very pretty, gets me everywhere I need to go, and a job that I love.

What more could I ask for?

So how do I stop being covetous?
Is there a 12-step program for that?

**UPDATE: Reason #498 Why I believe in God.
Today's sermon?
The "I want" and "just wanting things to be fair or even"
Being your own worst enemy.
Learning to forgive yourself.
Exchanging 'unforgiveness' for 'forgiveness' in your life.

I feel better about me today. :)
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