Friday, July 17, 2015

A PSA - Parental Service Announcement

You know, my parents never told me about RHPS. Not once was it mentioned in our house - I had to learn about it the hard way, on the streets. In fact, the very first time I really even heard of RHPS was from a church friend when I was IN COLLEGE.
COLLEGE, PEOPLE.

I felt so...Amish.
I've never felt so alone in my life as that long ago midnight when I went for my first viewing.


I decided right then and there that my kids would never suffer from RHPS deficiency! Their lullabies were Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul and Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me. We Time Warped our way through toddlerhood. My daughter's first word was "antici....
.....
.....
.....
pation."

So please, parents, don't let YOUR child be the one getting hit in the head with bits of toast or toilet paper without knowing what's going on - you don't want the kid to be afraid there's a riot breaking out, right? Make sure yours is not the only one not shouting "ASSHOLE!" whenever he or she hears the name "Brad Majors." Don't let them suffer the embarrassment of not knowing how to do the Time Warp. And above all, teach them the "Sweet Transvestite" lyrics.
I mean, can you imagine the humiliation when walking into your first midnight showing, and you know none of the words? Or characters? When you have no clue how to even begin to Time Warp?
Do the right thing - sit your (age appropriate) kids down in front of the blu-ray with you tonight.
TEACH THEM. It's your job as a parent.

You can thank me later.





Some of the above story may or may not be true, and may or may not be exaggerated or possibly completely made up in all ways. Except for the first part, which is totally true, much to my embarrassment.
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