It's like my own little Ego Wall.
Sort of like getting a gold star.
No wait, it IS getting a gold star.
Stuff I said that other people liked:
Favotter
and
Favrd
I check these sites every week because yes, I am exactly that needy.
Labels: douchebaggery, narcissism, stuff I like, twitter
I HAD to break my diet to do the REVIEW.
Well maybe not exactly FORCED. I do love me some spaghetti and I have SO missed it the last couple of months.
NOW I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN and I blame Ragu and Mom Central.
Okay, so maybe I didn't HAVE to eat pasta. But I'm pretty sure it was in the fine print so shut up and let me rationalize.
I am totally famous for my homemade spaghetti sauce which is NOT* Ragu.
(*
LikelyPossible untrue statement)But when Mom Central invited me to try some new flavors of Ragu I was all, "OKAY FINE, I don't have TIME to make homemade ANYWAY."
Or something else that sounds plausible.
I got to try the Old World Style Sweet Tomato Basil and Old World Style Margherita flavors.
NOM.
NOM.
NOM.
Part of the Sweet Tomato Basil I cooked with some Italian sausage with green peppers & onions and it was SO FREAKING GOOD.
Also? EASY PEASY which is nice for lazy people like me. I was making the sausage & peppers anyway & just dumped some sauce in. SO yum.
The Margherita flavor has a sort of pizza-y taste & would be great for homemade pizza. If I was an adventurous cook (or really any sort of cook) I would've tried to make some little bagel pizzas or the ones you can do with biscuit dough.
But I found a recipe PERFECT for me, it only takes like five minutes and I didn't have to have any fancy ingredients.
Chicken, olive oil, sauce, and cheese.
Bake.
Done.
Enjoy.
And OH YEAH, for those of you who are all about nutritional value blahblahblahblah, there is a FULL SERVING OF VEGGIES in every half-cup of sauce!
Don't tell the kids.
Labels: food glorious food, mom central, Review
Posted by aka_Monty @ 9:20 PM
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Social Media Diseases - SMTDs
Because Social Media folk have made themselves such easy targets.I just can't help myself.
They have only themselves to blame.
Clammydia - Transferred by contact.
Symptoms: sweaty palms due to too much glad-handing and patting oneself on the back.
Twitterrhea - Contracted when assuming that giant numbers of followers make one an "expert", "guru", "maven", or "specialist".
Symptoms: Increasing douchebaggery, self-importance; eventual career suicide and abject failure as the rest of us laugh derisively.
Tooles - Much like herpes, there is no cure and the treatment is only about 50% effective. Some people, unfortunately, are just born with the Tool-es gene.
Symptoms: People start avoiding you. Eventually you will attempt to avoid even yourself.
Simpilis - Occurs when one does nothing but simper, suck up, asskiss, and fawn.
Symptoms: Start writing nothing but overblown, flowery cliches, most of which have already been said - and better - by someone else. This disease is EXTREMELY infectious, causing others to repeat the phrases as if they actually had some sort of great meaning. DANGER WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO APPLY THEM TO REAL LIFE. You will go mad because they Just.Don't.Work.
PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, PROTECT YOURSELVES.
Some of these conditions may be life-threatening if they are allowed to remain untreated.
Or at least cause one to be universally disliked apart from one's own kind.
Labels: assclam, flotsam, funny thoughts, i am a bitch, social media, stuff that makes me laugh
Posted by aka_Monty @ 12:00 PM
Monday, April 20, 2009
Got mold?
Old houses mean leaky seals and drafts and extra work, which sucks because I'm really lazy. So of COURSE I was happy when Mom Central let me try some X-14 Mold & Mildew Stain Remover...because seriously? My bathroom? Ugh.
I like a clean bathroom. Much as I hate to clean, I hate the thought of setting foot in a dirty bathtub even more.
I am not going to admit to having any mold or mildew stains.
Okay.
The shower curtain around the bottom? EW. Truthfully I buy cheap shower curtains because I just throw them away when they start to get mildewy. I have friends who WASH them. NO FREAKIN' WAY.
So I tried the X-14 on the shower curtain and it was LIKE MAGIC!! I didn't have to throw it away! So I sprayed a little in the corner of the tub, where my daughter always puts her wet washcloths, and within a few minutes I actually saw the stains start to fade!
But the X-14 does the trick.
Now if they would just make a little robot person to do the rest of the scrubbing...
Labels: mom central, Review
Posted by aka_Monty @ 9:49 PM
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
ZIP IT.
Next time you get annoyed with your spouse because they didn't make coffee or they picked up the wrong brand of tampons or chicken soup or forgot the milk or burnt your toast.... TAKE A MINUTE TO THINK that if you were a single parent, you'd have had to do all that shit yourself PLUS your regular jobs and parenting stuff.And then SHUT YOUR HOLE.
Okay?
Labels: dumb shit, piss off, single parenting, stuff that sucks
Posted by aka_Monty @ 7:38 AM
Friday, April 10, 2009
SHROOMHEAD
Every time I see Robert Pattinson give an interview, I want to do two things:1. Hand him a bottle of shampoo and a hairbrush
2. Say to him, "I don't care what your girlfriend or stylist says, that hairstyle is NOT hip, sexy, or even edgy; it makes you look like your head is a giant fat squashy mushroom. YOU ARE NOT JOHNNY DEPP or even one of the dudes from Flock Of Seagulls."
DUDE BRUSH YOUR HAIR. GROSS.
Labels: celebrity shenanigans, stuff that makes me laugh
Posted by aka_Monty @ 5:34 PM
Because who WOULDN'T want to make life a little easier?
How about some free ham or turkey? AND recipes? AND beauty tips?
You can get 'em all from the same place, Making Life Better.
Need a life coach? Need some fresh ideas for dinner? Fix your frizzies, learn to go green, have healthier skin!
Even though I'm not much of a cook, there were recipes simple (and inexpensive) enough even for me. I KNOW.
And no, you cannot come over for dinner because I don't like company. Or people. But trust me when I say the antipasto salad wraps were GOOOD.
HEY, did you clip the Holiday Ham or Turkey rebate form from your April 5 paper? Check it out. Get free ham or turkey. WOO!
OH, and don't forget it is GOOD FRIDAY today -- which means a special theme on tonight's Friday Night Live!!
TUNE IN LIVE at 9pm Central/10 Eastern!
Labels: family, food glorious food, mom central, mpyrradio.com, radio radio, Review
Posted by aka_Monty @ 3:37 PM
Friday, April 03, 2009
Thanks Easter Bunny! BOC BOC!
What I want to know are these two things:1. What is the LONGEST period of time an Easter egg has gone unfound in your house?
and
B. Have you ever tried to make a S'more out of a chocolate bunny, a Peep, and a graham cracker?
Because I was thinking of trying that and pretending they were real animals.
I mean... what?
Labels: food glorious food, holidays, stuff that makes me laugh
Posted by aka_Monty @ 3:12 PM
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
Observations.
One of the things I like most about Twitter is that it teaches you how to convey a lot of info in a very small space.Mommybloggers lost every ounce of humor (and respect) that they once possessed in their repeated bids
and subsequent failuresto take over the internets.I often think that the current Social Media fad will go the way of Work At Home Insurance Billing.
I am continually amazed when people come at me with their guns a-blazin' and then they're all SURPRISED when I don't take their shit.
HELLO, have you MET me? (internetally speaking, of course)
Obviously they've been getting away with their assholery for FAR too long and you other people need to stop avoiding confrontation and offer some smackdown. Seriously.
I can't do everything myself.
I've decided to update my Personals profile to be completely accurate and honest.
"Single mother of 14 year old twins. Supersized, blue eyes, nice smile only slightly marred by the scar on my lip.
Former (weak-willed) smoker, rare drinker, hate sloppy drunks and cheaters.
Hobbies include staying home and watching "reality" tv shows and emailing with my internet friends all evening, every evening.
I will most likely ignore you if I am working, emailing, reading, or watching TV, so please do not talk to me.
Do not ever, ever touch the remote unless I am not in residence at the time. Do not ask if I will change the TV.
Do not grope me if I am involved in one of the aforementioned activities or you will likely get headstabbed.
I like Monty Python, Steve Martin, and musicals.
I am lazy and do not clean or cook, that's why I have kids and why McDonalds & pizza were invented.
Did I mention that I am really lazy? Some people find this charming and quirky. At first.
I yell a lot when people get on my nerves, use foul language, and sometimes throw things at the wall. It would be your responsibility to get out of the way.
Also I have a brilliant personality, but don't hold your breath that you'll ever see it. It's reserved for special occasions only.
If interested, call me!"
I KNOW, I can't believe I'm still single EITHER!!
I AM GOING TO BLOGHER CHICAGO this summer!
If you're one of the (few) people I like and if you're going too, please email me so I can spend some time with you!
That is all.
Have a day.
Labels: BlogHer, life, stuff I like, stuff that sucks
Posted by aka_Monty @ 9:37 AM